Saturday, February 5, 2011

Introspection and celebration

My brother-in-law Pete has been keeping pretty busy lately, even though he's only been given a few days left to live. Here you see him in a daily video chat with my sister Norma Jean (on the right), his son Peter (left), and his daughter Allison holding Lexie. He put this picture on his blog (he's the guy in the middle), where he's been busy writing posts as much as he possibly can before he's not able to continue any more. He is now tethered to his oxygen and can't get off it for more than a few minutes. And he's written two three posts since this one: "My Last Post... Or Not!" which explains his circumstances. (He's also over on my sidebar, "Out of My Multiple Minds.")

Ever since Norma Jean called me on Monday to tell me that Pete's pulmonary physician said there is nothing more to be done and signed him up for Hospice, Pete has decided he's going to try everything he can to hang on for as long as possible. Hospice workers were in their home yesterday and he's being given all the help he needs. The thing about pulmonary emphysema is that it isn't as easy to predict when it becomes terminal as it is with cancer, for example. So we are all hoping that the end is not as imminent as his physician predicted, which was "a matter of days or weeks."

When I call their home, it sounds like a party is going on. People are visiting, both through technology as well as physically. His local motorcycle group lined up fifty deep waiting for a chance to talk with Pete through video chat, which both touched him and, I suspect, tired him out. It gives him such a boost to know how much people really care about him. And I never miss a chance to remind him that I love him and want to help however I can. I do that for me as much as for him.

Pete married my sister almost fifty years ago now, so he's been a part of my life for half a century. He was my first husband Derald's best friend for years, and I think the death of Derald at 51 was as hard on Pete as anybody. I was fortunate to reconcile with Derald a few months before his sudden death, and that was at my son's instigation. Chris wouldn't let it go until his parents had a telephone conversation that lasted for hours, and many old hurts and recriminations were laid to rest at that time.

I just called to see how things are going at the home of the Florida Stewarts (Pete and Norma Jean), and they sound better than I expected. Yesterday Pete was able to get his oxygen levels up to almost normal, but today, not so much. They toyed with the thought of venturing out, but as Pete explained to me, he can no longer count on portable oxygen to do enough for him. They probably will not try it, but you just never know. There's so much I don't know about emphysema and its progression.

On another note, the Boulder Hot Sauce Company finally did return the charge of $5,892 for all that hot sauce I was fearful of receiving on my doorstep. My bank account numbers returned to normal, making my weekend much more peaceful. And I lost another pound through my calorie counting efforts. I do have some periods of being pretty hungry; I woke up in the middle of the night fantasizing about eating a big salad covered with creamy dressing. I don't think I actually did it, though.

The word "celebration" in the title is because of the wonderful fact that Pete is getting to know how much he is loved and cherished BEFORE he leaves us behind. If anything is worth celebrating, that certainly is. If I were given a chance to choose a "good bye," that would certainly factor high on my list. I hope you visit his blog and say hello. His more than a hundred posts are well written and show who he is and why we love him. And if you needed any other reasons, Pete sent me this funny image, and although I don't know where it originated, I hope it makes you laugh.
:-)

28 comments:

  1. Sending you all my positive vibes. Here's hoping his quality and quantity of live lasts for a very long time.

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  2. Sending many happy thoughts Pete's ways - and yours. I think it's great that he's blogging and maintaining his humor!

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  3. Oh that last pic of the eggs made me laugh. So cute!

    My aunt was 80 when she died. The immediate cause of death was pneumonia, but she also had end stage emphysema. Sadly, she continued to smoke til the end.

    Peace be with you, Pete. What an excellent tribute, DJan.

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  4. I had just read Pete's post just before I came to yours.
    He had told me he was entering a hospice program and told me that we didn't have this in Canada. So I suggested he tell me about it. So he's written a great post telling about the hospice program
    I was impressed and amazed at the difficult choices that were being made.
    I have learned so much by following his blog for this short time.
    We all wish him the best for this next while but he will decide and know when he is finished and leave us peacefully.

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  5. i hope that when my time comes i can make the most of those last days...

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  6. It is nice for people to know people love them while they're conscious. Best wishes to all of you and strength for the journey. I'm off now to check his blog.

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  7. Pete sounds like a wonderful man. Wishing him many more happy days ahead.
    Glad you got the hot sauce issue settled!

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  8. I just read a few of Pete's posts. Hope the doctor's are wrong. Thinking of you all!

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  9. I so admire Pete's spirit and drive to live life while he still can and on his own terms. I love that he can use technology to leave a final record and connect to so many. The photo his family connecting through technology is amazing.

    I know these times are so difficult for families. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

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  10. Hi DJan, I am headed over to say Hi now. One day at a time..you know..he knows his days are numbered and he is being given the chance to say his goodbyes..he is really lucky to have you in his life:)

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  11. I think it's wonderful how Pete is able to be in touch with everyone who loves him. I keep you and yours my very best thoughts. Oh, and you and your sister sure do look alike.

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  12. Pete sounds like a very remarkable man with a lot of inner strengh, maybe he will prove the doctors wrong. Sending good vibes his way.

    I'm glad to hear you bank account is back to normal, that must have been a big relief. I was envisioning a semi truck filled with hot sauce pulling up to you place.

    Have the salad, skip the dressing, carrots are very filling.

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  13. I do wish him the best.

    I have emphysema and asthma and two shot lungs so oxygen is my life. And the end will come but I don't want to know about it.

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  14. Your post could have been written about my sister's husband, whose funeral we just attended Thursday. He also knew his death was imminent, had many visits in his home with family and friends as hospice made his remaining time very meaningful for all.

    My thoughts are with Pete and his family.

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  15. Oh, gosh, how bttersweet He is one of the folks I admir, being able to spend his last days with the people he loves.

    We do have a wonderful hospice program here in Canada as well. I work in the medical field, and we often arrange for hospice care for our patients.

    Blessings to Pete. He has lived a good life, and will die a good death. That is what everyone should wish for.

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  16. Pete knows how to live life in the moment. What a remarkable man!

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  17. Oh Jan, I'm so sorry about your brother. He sounds brave and wise and witty and spirited; a great example for us all, as do you.

    Blessings and strength to you, my friend.

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  18. Love the eggs. So symbolic. What a cool way to be able to visit at this time and celebrate life.

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  19. I'm glad you suggested reading his blog, because it really does show how someone can be full of life even while knowing the end is near. All the best to them and to you.

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  20. Oh Djan - I just love your writing which is full of gentle humour and compassion. With Pete's outlook on life I am sure he will hang on in there a lot longer that the doc suggested. A very humbling post. St Jude will get a wee prayer from me for you brother in law. What an inspiration. X

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  21. What an up-lifting post. Pete sounds like an incredible person...I am headed over to visit and leave him a message.

    Glad the hot sauce charges were resolved!

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  22. DJan,
    So sorry to have been away and missing your posts...only to get back to this sad news. Pete sounds like a great guy. The eggs were a hoot!
    It's great that you get to visit with the use of the internet...gotta love technology for that.
    Sending you and your family love and light and holding you in my thoughts and heart.
    Take care.

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  23. As sad as it is, Pete is an inspiration.

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  24. I just drop by Lynn's blog and I was laughing at SQ's comment about Luc, then I moved to read your post and there was this sudden change of emotion from happiness to sadness, but I commend's Pete's courage for still being hopeful at the same time still has a his sense of humor. Who knows? Laughter is still the best medicine.

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  25. One day at a time. That's the way everyone should take life. Pete has a great spirit. I think it's wonderful that everyone is rallying around him. He needs to know now how much everyone cares, not at some eulogy later. Celebrate away Pete!!

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  26. I read a couple of his posts just a couple of days ago. I cried. I have lurked on his blog some; his writing and his wit is highly entertaining. I think you're right-having such an outpouring of love from those around him is cause for celebration. It will bring happiness to everyone after it's all said and done. This is a time when technology is such a blessing.

    Good for you on losing another pound! I can honestly say that when I have dreams about wonderfully decadent food I usually lack the willpower to abstain. It's a work in progress.

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  27. I am so glad that his loved ones get this time to say what they need to say. It sounds like he's making the best of every day.

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