Friday, February 18, 2011

Laughter and tears

Here's the very best part of being here right now: my beautiful grand niece Lexie. She is so fascinated with the red light that comes on when the camera focuses that every picture I got of her has this expression. Otherwise, she is smiling, laughing, or giving all of us plenty of reason to be thankful. I arrived here yesterday afternoon after taking this picture as I left Miami after a five-hour layover for a one-hour flight.
The weather here is beautiful, right now the mid-seventies on its way to 80 degrees. Everywhere in this house, Pete's presence is felt. And then I remember that he's not coming back and feel a quick wave of grief. Then I see the little doggie carriers that Moose used for his home and I remember his little head peeking out from his "porch" and feel another wave of grief for my sister's losses. Then the tears fall again. I am so glad to be here, but it's not exactly a wonderful and joyous time.
Yes, Norma Jean is on her computer. I can also bet that her son Peter is somewhere in the house with a laptop on his lap, and Allison, too. We are a very connected family in this way. I haven't yet gotten a good picture of Peter but as soon as I do, I'll introduce you to him as well. Right now we have four adults and one infant laughing and smiling, mostly at Lexie, and then laughing when going through some of Pete's things because of his penchant for never throwing anything away. He even still had his old hairbrush from before they were married. ("Why would I get a new one? It still works just fine!")
BTW, I got a call yesterday from my doctor's office, and they have decided to biopsy that thyroid lump. I'll have it done a few days after I return from this trip. It made me a little nervous about what they might have seen they aren't sharing with me, but that is just me "awful-izing" as my sister calls it, jumping ahead to the worst possible outcome. But the really good thing is that whatever it is, I'll know for sure after next month. If it's not one thing in life, it's another, it seems.

But I am so glad to be here, laughing and crying with gusto. Please forgive any typos or errors I might have missed, because I'm trying to finish this before all of us girls head out the door.
:-}

33 comments:

  1. What an adorable baby, DJan. When my father died, with all of its ensuing grief, I was so grateful for my little baby who at the time was three months old. Sometimes the Universe gives us new life as we mourn the passing of someone we love. Hang on to each other and laugh as often as possible. Blessings.

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  2. What a beautiful grand niece! Such beauiful skin she has!

    I am so glad a biopsy is being done, DJan. I think I mentioned to you earlier that it should be done. It is probably benign, but still...

    Funny that your sister and you have similar haircuts. At first, I thought that she was you and I thought, "Did DJan dye her hair?" LOL.

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  3. Lexie is just adorable! It's nice how the universe chose to bring Lexie into the family at just the right time...when you need her bright smiles the most. It doesn't take the pain of sadness away, but it does make it a bit easier to find some joy when blessed with such an adorable little one.
    Glad you made it safely.
    big hugs and love to all of you.

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  4. Hmmm, lots of emotion in that post D-Jan and a need from you for a big hug so here is one: (((((D-Jan)))) from me. Your sister's face says it all and I can only imagine the roller coaster you are going through. Thank goodness for Lexie. She's gorgeous, isn't she.
    I read your comment on my post today and suddenly felt the depth of friendship that can exist here in the blogging world. Like you, I have come to realise how important these daily posts are in my life and how much I think about my bloggy friends each day. Doesn't matter that we haven't met in person. In some ways, that could get in the way! What does matter is the constant contact and the thoughts and prayers that go with it.
    Star x

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  5. Thanks for this post, Jan. I knew you should have arrived yesterday afternoon and I was trying to be patient as I waited for an update. It does my heart good to see these pictures of all of you.

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  6. The baby is so precious.

    My condolences to you, your sister and her family for the losses.

    Re the biopsy.........hopefully it is benign; but if not, this IS 2011 and not 1960-70-80-90.

    I lost my dad and brother in 1995 and my mother in 1997. We loved remembering the fun times, then we'd cry a while. Your heart always warms and a smile crosses your face when you think of them and that never goes away.

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  7. I LOVED that picture of you with Lexie! Sorry to here that you are going to need a biopsy, but better safe than sorry.

    My niece was born on the day my dad died. We often say that they must have passed each other on their way.
    It certainly made for a bittersweet day.

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  8. What a little cutie!! You look happy, and don't worry about the biopsy. If you go diving, I hope you'll post the pics!

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  9. Your family sure is enduring more than its share of loss and of stresses. It's good that you're all together. That little angel is adorable.

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  10. Lexie is just beautiful and you should spoil her while you can! Norma Jean looks good..I think she might have been giving you the stink eye!
    Laugh and love and cry on each others shoulders that is what a family is for.
    Go take a hike and show us some of that warm weather.
    There is time enough for your biopsy..they probably wouldn't have scheduled it right away anyway..you know the old hurry up and wait.. Take Care! :)

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  11. good to hear from you...and glad you have little joys mixed in....what a cute little one...

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  12. I am glad to know you are still smiling despite all the sadness that is surrounding you now. Your little angel is a doll. Have fun with her. Keep us updated on the thyroid issue.

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  13. What a sweet baby. Take care DJan. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all will turn out well when you return.

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  14. I imagine Lexie helps with the grief. The picture of the two of you is wonderful! I'm so glad you made it safely; I've been thinking about you.

    I'm glad they are doing a biopsy. Perhaps the theory is 'better safe than sorry.' Whatever the case may be, you're right about the fact that you will know soon enough. I'll be saying prayers.

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  15. Life is so grand and has such waves of joy mixed with sadness and fear. Yet hope and dreams and faith seem to aid that wave so one can move on. I pray that the sorrow will lesson a bit in time and that your biopsy will be over quickly so the worry is gone. HUGS

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  16. Thanks for checking in. Your grand niece is beautiful. Having children around, makes grief easier to bear.

    Yes, I think there should be a biopsy. This is the reasonable, responsible thing to do. I will keep you in my prayers. Try not to "awfulize."

    You do look like your sis.

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  17. What wonderful pictures. I'm so glad you made it there safe and sound. May your time with your family be full of love and comfort and laughter.

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  18. You're in the right place. It's support for all of you. It's a phase you have to go through.
    I hope for all the best for all of you at this time.

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  19. So, so sorry for another loss in your life...that baby is adorable and you are right to focus on her and the joy that she will bring your family during this time...
    Keep us appraised on your thyroid issue. You have our hearts and prayers.

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  20. One thing I learned about thyroid cancer is that it is very, very slow growing. That's what they told me. I did have to get mine removed, but it wasn't too big a deal. My doctor did such a beautiful job with the incision that people can't even see it.

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  21. I love the photo of you and Lexie. You look content.

    I'm glad you will ge getting that biopsy. It's good to know what you are dealing with.

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  22. Awww you're such a sweet sister to Norma DJ, I admire you for being there with her and her family to brighten them up.

    Don't forget to go to the clinic when you arrive home. No worries you're fine.

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  23. That baby looks like you! LOL! Don't worry about the biopsy, DJan. I really don't think there is a concern. They have to begin with ruling out the obvious, that is all.

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  24. Life is filled with these ups and downs. I seem to work better not knowing the downs.

    I used to come home from school, and walk in the kitchen door and see a fresh chocolate cake on the table. Instead of eating a slice, which I always started out doing, I ended up sitting on the coal pile wolfing-down the whole cake and when mom yelled, "Abe, did you eat the cake?" I yelled back, "No!" She yelled, "Come in here to me this instant!" And I went. And she grabbed me by my limp, sickly-looking arm, and grabbed the old yard stick and began whipping my ass until the yardstick broke. That made her madder and she grabbed her brand new yardstick and broke it over my ass. And that made her stop. She said, "I whipped you because you lied to me." She shoved my face into a mirror and demanded, "Look!" I saw cake icing smeared around my mouth. That was one of my down days.

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  25. How wonderful to be able to enjoy such a beautiful addition to the family.

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  26. There's that beautiful baby I saw on FB!
    You are right in that you are celebrating a life that has passed with the rest of your family. Such a time of mixed emotions and at the same time it is so good to be with your whole family and all the memories.
    My prayers are with you during this time and also praying for a good result with your biopsy.
    Have a safe trip home!

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  27. What a gorgeous little kid...! Lexie is Pete's immortality.

    My condolences to you and your family, DJan. You have gone through waaaaaay too much lately.

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  28. Glad you got there safety and are with your family now. You'll all remember this time, and partly in a good way.

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  29. So much going on and emotions high, sad and happy ones. We send our best wishes to Norma Jean during this time of grief and adjustment. I hope your writing this post was good therapy for you. It was a relief to read it. Your trip there was without problems and you are now among close family.

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  30. The beautiful photo of you holding Lexi demonstrates the legacy of love that flows in your family despite the sadness. Hugs to you...

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  31. tears of sorrow and tears of joy, the main thing is you are sharing them with those you love.

    Having a new life around concentrates the mind on times to come rather than the ones left behind, which must be a good thing for all of you right now.

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  32. It is amazing how the little giggles from cute little-girl bodies make every sad thing a little less sad. keep squeezing that little one, I squeeze mine constantly, and good luck with the biopsy, I have two lumps on my thyroid too, apparently most women do, still not fun though!

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  33. Please kiss Lexie on the cheek...what a little cupcake she is!

    I am sending positive thoughts about the biopsy. It is always good to be safe, rather than sorry.

    Enjoy your precious time with family and glad to hear you have good weather!

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