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| September 16, 2018 moon, with robin singing, as captured from Dublin, Ireland, by Deirdre Horan. |
Every year when September 17 rolls around, it gives me a little jolt of remembrance. That was the day, 53 years ago, that my son Stephen died suddenly of spinal meningitis. He got sick in the afternoon and died that very night. I suppose that's one reason why it took me so long to recover from that terrible event, but it's never easy to lose a child, at any age. Since he was an infant, just over a year old, he was more than part of my daily life: he and I were together from the time he awoke until he went to bed.
It took a long, long time for me to be in the presence of a baby again. For more than a decade I would look away to try to keep the pain at bay. Then one day, without my noticing when exactly, I found myself looking at the sweet little chubby legs of a baby, and... the pain didn't come up. They say that time heals all wounds, and maybe it's true, but sometimes the scars left behind are debilitating.
Somebody asked me yesterday if I had any kids, and I was forced to relay the sad news that yes, indeed I did, but neither one of them is still living. When someone asks, I can feel the hesitation about having to tell the tale, but my sons were both wonderful people and I will never forget (or forsake) them as long as I'm alive.
:-(
Condolences on your losses. Losing a child, and more than one, is devastating. Beyond devastating. Life-crushing. I'm glad you can honor their lives and recall them as your children. They will always be your babies.
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt hugs and oceans of caring. Of course you neither forget nor forsake.
ReplyDeleteAn anniversary will always bring that back. My parents had to bury two sons.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry.
ReplyDelete❤️
ReplyDeleteSending hugs...
ReplyDeleteI know your story, but hearing it again always makes my heart lurch a bit. Peace be with you on this sad anniversary, and thank you for letting us into your hurting heart.
ReplyDeleteAnniversaries bring back a flood of memories. Keep telling your story. It keeps the memory of your sons alive. My parents lost an 11 year old daughter. It was devastating for them.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about both your children.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry. No parent should lose a child. It hurts but is also good to remember them and all the good days with them for they are forever a part of you.
ReplyDeleteI've come very close to losing my only son several times (heart) but nothing prepares you for the actual loss. My aunt and uncle had a crib death back when they all but accused the parents of neglect. My aunt couldn't hold a baby after that because of this irrational fear it was her fault. When my Dagan almost died when he was an infant and they said he wouldn't live long--she realized that she had never held him and he almost died anyways. Dagan was the first baby she had held in almost two decades. :)
ReplyDeleteI've often wondered how in the past parents dealt with the loss of so many children being a more "normal" thing. In many countries it is still like that today. As parents you never forget them. All you can do is celebrate their lives--however long they were here.
Love and hugs from Fargo. :)
The loss of a child must be one of life's greatest sorrows. I can imagine that you continue to grieve even as you move forward with your life. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photo. I am sorry that this happened to you.
ReplyDeleteLike Linda, I have been aware of your painful stories but it still gives me a jolt hear it again. Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteSending you a hug! I am sure the anniversary is not one to celebrate. People ask because it is very common to ask How many kids/grandkids do you have? You should share what you are comfortable with. :)
ReplyDeleteYou honour them in remembrance and speaking of them with love and sorrow. In grief therapy I learned that. But sometimes it takes a long, long, time and triggers happen.
ReplyDeleteI do love the photo. There's a poignancy to it.
XO
WWW
Sending gentle hugs to you dear D J. Even tho so many years ago, the sadness will return, as a certain day approaches yet, you can now remember with less pain & sorrow & remember the JOY of your sons & the times together!
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs. Losing a child changes us forever.
ReplyDelete"When there are no words, there are always hugs" I didn't make that up, I saw it on a card... and I thought how true. If I was there, I would give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteOh DJan... I am aching for you. Having met you and knowing what a loving, beautiful, cheerful person you are, I really feel you are a role model for how to survive life's devastations and to live life fully. You are truly amazing and I am in awe of you. Your sons and you were blessed to have each other, though for too short a time. I'm sending you love and hugs from across the ocean.
ReplyDeleteSending a hug across the continent, dearJan.
ReplyDelete