|Emily Polis Gibson photo|
Here it is Tuesday morning, and it wasn't until the middle of last night that I remembered my Monday post. Not written, not missed, not even remembered until then. This is a self-imposed deadline, but that really doesn't matter. To me, it's real, and the distress I feel is compounded by my fear that I'm developing some form of dementia. Oh, I know most people my age worry about such things, but I am worried enough that I think perhaps it's time to visit my doctor.
Years ago, I was given a test by my previous doctor when I told her I was concerned about memory loss. The test is now online, so I'll give it to myself before I see this doctor. Most of the things I was not good at before will probably remain marginal, certainly not better. I do remember a few items that gave me pause. For one thing, I have never been able to count backwards by 7s from 100. (That's one of the tests.) It led me to figure out how to do it by "cheating," or counting down by 10s and adding 3 to get the correct number. Some people have no problem with the task, but my mind has never worked that way, I guess.
Recently, my friend Lily reminded me of something that happened years ago, and at first I was adamant it never happened, but as she gave me some reminders, it came back to me. It makes me wonder how many parts of my daily life are simply sliding into oblivion because I don't remember them. And re-reading novels because I didn't remember reading them before: that has become more frequent.
So, this Tuesday post is really a Monday post, just a day late. Part of my problem is the same one many of us face these days: everything my days were structured around is in flux. No coffee shop, no walk to the bus during the week, fewer and fewer activities that I performed which defined the day of the week: all gone. When we get back to whatever our new "normal" will be, it'll be interesting to see whether I will be able to resume those activities without forgetting.
I suppose it makes sense that my mental acuity would diminish, just like my physical strength, my fading eyesight from macular degeneration, along with all the other unwelcome reminders of aging. I'm just glad I'm not still jumping out of airplanes!