this is my first time to try to write a post using audio. It is because I am pretty much a basket case, since my dear sweet husband passed away one week ago today.
I realize that there may be problems with this post, but I truly want to tell you how much I loved that man and that he loved me. He was doing fairly well, in the new rehab center. But he was unable to clear his throat when he aspirated. I was not there, and I cannot imagine that this was an easy passing. But it doesn’t matter, he is gone, he is gone, he is gone. My sister has been here with me for the last few days, and it has been invaluable to have her assistance. My eyes have taken a turn for the absolute worst and now I can see very little. I will be taking the transit bus that Ben used, and I am looking for someone to help me to finish moving his things. But it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t need to be done tomorrow. I cannot imagine it being any harder for anyone than it has been for me to go through this. I will have a lot of empathy for others as they move through grief. I don’t know when I will post again, but it doesn’t really matter much to me anymore. I love my virtual family very much, but they’re just gonna have to wait until I am better. I am not well enough to do this again soon.
DJan,
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. The love you and SG shared was clear to everyone who read your words. May peace and strength be with you going forward.
John
I hope your sister can be with you for awhile and help settle some of the business particulars that are involved at a time like this. Losing your sight has got to be devastating and I hope your sister can help you navigate that issue, getting you settled into a space you can manage on your own. My thoughts are with you as I go about my day. I know you are saddened, devastated and unmoored.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry to hear that you lost Smart Guy. My Sympathy to you. Things can really get down for you and as much as we dislike it, it's what happens. Good that your sister is there with you.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that your sister is there with you. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the time you need. We will be here when you return. Using autotype worked worked well for you. It was good to read your post even though it must have been very hard for you. Your readers know how much you loved each other!
ReplyDeletePartnerships like yours and Ben's (I like knowing his name) are not common and so losing your partner is so hard. I am deeply sad for you. I had hoped that your sister would come and I'm very glad that she did.
ReplyDeleteYou are always on my mind. Thank you for telling us of your shared love.
I am deeply saddened to learn he has passed away. I know your pain from my own experience. I hope your sister can stay a good while. I needed my sister for a long time and today I live in her house, in an apartment. I have known you for so long as my blogger friend, and I do feel your pain. You will be surprised at your strength as you travel this journey. Losing a husband or wife is one of the most stressful events in our lives. Share your grief with those who love you. Don't try to be stoic and hold it in. God bless you Jan. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Your readers all love you.
ReplyDeleteMy dear DJan, tears run down my face as I read your words... and this time it's not my healing eye, but distress over you going through this. It's my greatest fear... and knowing you are experiencing it (along with your failing eyesight) is so terribly sad. But I too am glad your sister is there for you. Take all the time you need. We understand... may God give you the strength to get through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteOh Jan! You have been on my mind all week. I am so sad to hear this news. I can only imagine what you are going through with this terrible loss and your eyesight failing.
ReplyDeleteYour sister will help you through this I know. Take care, my friend. Sending a hug across the continent!
I am shocked that you have managed to post at all and pleased with how well you managed. I wonder if and how you will manage to navigate our comments. Just know that we are with you.
ReplyDeleteMay you find peace as you cope with the loss of your loved one. I’ve read your (other) blog for years, and know how strong and resourceful you are, as well as that you have a community of friends who will be there for you. Let others carry you forward now. At some point it will get better, though it may feel very far away right now.
ReplyDeleteI echo these heartfelt thoughts and love the fun "basket" photo you shared.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, there is no time limit on grief. Just learning to live with those we love the most in a different way. We will be here whenever you are ready and able. Take good care of yourself.
It’s inconceivable how cruel life can be at times. Praying you will find a little light again some day, but I know for now that you will have to do the very hard work of grieving such an intense and intensely personal loss.
ReplyDeleteSo glad your sister came up to be with you.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about us. *love and hugs*
Oh dear; SO sorry to hear of his passing so suddenly. Please take your time, take care of yourself. You still have to drink fluids and eat something, whether you feel like it or not. (I lost a hubby when I was 29, a real trip. I'm 71 now, still feel it.) It's not that you have to "get over it," you just have to learn how to live with it. It's not what you wanted, but you'll figure out your new pattern and new normal eventually. Love his cute helmet photo. Hugz, Linda in Kansas
ReplyDeleteOh, gosh, I'm so sorry to read this. Having your sister there should be a big help as you work through this painful loss. Hoping that you'll find comfort sharing your wonderful memories of him in the days to come.
ReplyDeleteWords are inadequate to express what I am feeling after reading of his passing. He loved you so much!! I am recalling when he first told me of your relationship - and when he moved to Boulder to be with you. Our relationship began in 1982 - a year when we both needed a friend. He was the first person I ever knew who knew how to listen - really listen! Even though I will always miss him, it is meager in relation to your loss. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers even as I grieve.
ReplyDeleteDear DJan -- I am so sorry to read your terrible news. As we get really old, it can become so easy to find ourselves isolated as others drop away and our bodies seem to stop serving us. I have just lost a dear friend; she made it to 97 mostly healthy, but that is rare. Today I add you to my prayers ... all I can do.
ReplyDeleteSending you deepest condolences. I know that he was your world and that you will miss him forever.
ReplyDeleteJust checking in on you, DJan. Sending love in time of trouble -- we all need more ...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
ReplyDelete